Hole in the Earth
by Phenobarbital
Summary: Daryl frowned, "Whats'sat got ta' do with you layin' in bed picturing me with a man?" he asked flatly and then he raised his eyebrows, "Got somethin' ya' wanna tell me, Rick?"


Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics used in this work, they belong to The Cardigans. However, this story was inspired by the Deftones rendition of the song 'Do You Believe?'

-I don't usually write fanfics in the fandoms of ongoing series, I find the original often interferes with the plot line of a story. But the idea for this came to me when I was re-watching season 5 and I decided to type it out and see how it went, this is the end result.  
-This story is canon based and takes place within the context of Season 5 Episode 13  
-Please report any errors to me, I proof read this but I also changed a lot of things during the read back so there might be errors.  
-This is very long.

* * *

Do you really think  
that love is gonna save the world  
Well, I don't think so...

* * *

Rick felt like an idiot.

He wasn't sure what he'd been going for -awkward, smooth, daring, creepy-, when he'd kissed Jessie, Jessie who was _married_ , on her cheek like that, in a place where anyone could have seen him do it. But what he was feeling in the aftermath of the uncomfortable and then almost pitying look she'd had on her face, was just plain stupid, like a complete fool.

He'd _known_ it was a bad idea, not only just to kiss her in _any_ way at all, but to be giving her the obvious looks he'd been giving and to be talking to her the way he had, feeling the way he'd been feeling for a woman he'd just met, it was all stupid. She was married and even though her husband seemed like an asshole, he was still her husband.

And Rick knew the pain of a cheating spouse and the infuriating feeling of someone being openly interested in one's spouse, regardless of the excuses Shane and Lori had had or how valid they may or may not have been, it hadn't hurt any less to know his wife had been with someone else…had loved someone else. So a part of him, the part of him that was trying really hard to acclimate back into normalcy, back into what was considered socially acceptable and what constituted as the 'correct' behavior in a civil community, **that** part of him was working overtime to stay in check.

Because Rick knew it was _wrong_ to pursue another man's wife, so he had to keep telling himself to back off…and at some point he had to start listening to himself as well.

He was shaking his head as he mulled over his behavior from earlier that evening, pressing his fingers into his eyes as he stood over Judith's crib, which was set up inside his bedroom…his very own bedroom in the house they now lived in, safely, in Alexandria. It was still sort of surreal and bizarre to be there, in a place that was supposed to be safe but wasn't any safer than the prison had been.

Sure, it was nicer than the prison, but even with its high steel walls, it wasn't safe.

Even less so because more and more, day by day, Rick realized that the people of Alexandria were weak, weaker than they had any right to be in the world that existed around them.

He frowned down at his precious, sleeping daughter…Judith was truly a miracle. For her to be alive in the first place and then to have survived as long as she had with the living conditions they'd experienced, with the fact that her mother was dead and that her father had temporarily lost his mind when she'd been at her most helpless, a brand new infant, it was nothing short of miraculous.

And it was also because he had a family, a group of capable, strong people who took good care of one another.

Unlike the people of Alexandria, who had existed in blissful, ignorant, lucky safety all this time.

Rick clenched his jaw as the frustration of it all got to him just a bit and he ran a hand over his clean and recently cut hair, sighing after. It was nice to be clean though…it was also nice to have electricity, and nice to have beds to sleep in, nice to have food to eat…it was nice in Alexandria, and Jessie was _nice_.

But _nice_ wouldn't do anything to save any lives when –and he really didn't want to be negative and cynical but it was realistic to think that- things would inevitably go bad.

Because the people in Alexandria were easily breakable, they were sheltered and their small community had just been lucky thus far not to have encountered a massive herd of walkers or worse, living, breathing bad people. Because most of the living people left in the new world of the dead only had the intention to **take and destroy** , and Alexandria stood out like a giant target with unmanned walls and guard towers. Alexandria was lights and noise in the distance just waiting to be found.

Not enough noise or lights to attract too many walkers just _yet_ , but the living...the living hunted, stalked and pillaged and whoever was out there, they would eventually find Alexandria.

Someone would come to ruin it. There was always someone who would burn somebody else's sanctuary down.

Rick knew that well, because even their own group was responsible for destroying people's sanctuaries…Woodbury, Terminus. No matter what evils had lurked within those respective walls, whatever sick people had _governed_ or managed those places, they too had been 'communities' and all it took was someone else deciding they didn't deserve what they had, to come along and tear it down.

Now those places were gone. Snuffed out.

Because if it wasn't yours…it didn't mean anything to you.

That's how the new world worked, take what you could, destroy everything else and don't let anyone get in your way. Rick didn't want that to happen to Alexandria…so if he had to take Alexandria by force to protect it, then he would.

His frown remained as he turned away from Judith's crib, his mind now on the fact that Daryl, Carol and himself had already established that they'd take over Alexandria by any means necessary if the people inside weren't able to keep up. It was just another example...

But that's just how it was in the new world. You had to _survive_ , _by any means necessary_.

Rick nodded to himself and then he swiped his hand over his face, deciding he'd spent enough time brooding for one evening. He noted that he felt a bit less like a fool over what had happened with Jessie the more he thought about what was _actually_ important, because ideas and fantasies of a silly little love affair with a nice blonde was not a priority. Especially a married one who likely had no idea of what it was like to be hunted, to run for her life and to have to kill people… to have to rip someone's throat open with your teeth to protect your own.

Any means necessary.

Nice, pretty Jessie probably wouldn't even begin to be able to understand the things Rick worried about, the things he thought about, had nightmares about…the things he was capable of doing.

He'd slipped right back into his dark thoughts, his jaw was hurting and fists aching for how tensely he was holding himself. But he snapped out of it when he heard a door downstairs in the house open and shut, meaning someone else was back from Deanna's doll house party.

Rick glanced into Judith's crib a final time to make sure she was sleeping soundly before he slipped quietly out of his room, leaving the door open so he'd hear her if she started to fuss. He passed Carl and Michonne's bedrooms on his way to the stairs, Carol's bedroom was on the other side of the staircase, and he saw that the lights under their doors were all still out, so he doubted any one had come upstairs.

He was expecting everyone would be making their way back to the house soon, after Sasha's little freak out the mood and atmosphere at the party hadn't been quite as merry. Rick didn't even feel bad about Sasha ruining the farce of a welcome party, because without Jessie's prettiness distracting him, he was able to think clearly again and see how ridiculous the entire thing had been.

Rick walked down the first set of stairs quietly, noticing that all of the lights downstairs were still out, as if no one had come into the house. He frowned as his hand went to his hip and he exhaled irritably through his nose when he grabbed at nothing, remembering too late that he didn't have his weapon on him.

Rick was about to get angry at himself for his carelessness but then he took a deep breath, reminding himself that they were _safe_ in Alexandria. With that in mind, he glanced around the dark space, still cautious but less paranoid, and from the top of the second staircase he could see most of the kitchen and part of the living room, but everything seemed fine and in its place, so he walked down the second set of stairs quietly.

He was about to question whether he'd just been hearing things when Rick felt a breeze of cool air from outside and he turned to his left, his eyes falling on the halfway open back door which led out onto the back porch.

He stepped off the last stair and walked quietly around the banister toward the door, pausing and frowning when something he was inhaling made his nose burn. Rick blinked a few times when the strong smell of cigarette smoke quickly seeped into his senses.

And then he sighed and felt every muscle in the length of his body relax when realization hit, the lack of lights being switched on, no other noise made besides the door, the cigarette smoke…

"Daryl." Rick said surely as he stepped outside onto the back porch.

Sure enough, it was Daryl, sitting on the porch steps –because the porch furniture probably offended him for how presentable and functional it was. He was hunched over, elbows rested on his knees as he smoked. Daryl glanced over his shoulder at Rick at the sound of his name just when Rick switched the porch light on and he caught the vague look of acknowledgment Daryl gave him before the man turned away again and continued smoking.

Rick was about to go back inside and find something to do with himself until he felt tired enough to sleep, but his feet never moved. Instead he watched Daryl's hunched over form and thought about the fact that this could be the first time they'd have a chance to maybe talk, one on one, since coming to Alexandria, without someone else around or something else to do or worry about.

Not that Daryl was a big talker, but he did have thoughts and opinions that Rick valued and right then some casual conversation about general stuff sounded like a really _normal_ thing to do. So Rick walked over to the porch steps and sat down beside Daryl, leaving at least two feet between them so that when Daryl glanced at Rick and then at the gap between them, he'd recognize that Rick wasn't crowding him.

There had been times when there hadn't been an option to sit or sleep without being on top of one another, whether it had been Daryl next to him or any other person in their group, the point was that sometimes it had been unavoidable, like when they could only find small cramped places to sleep or camp in.

But Rick knew that Daryl liked his personal space, so if he could accommodate that, like right then, he would.

It was about respecting one another. And if one thing was not to be doubted, Rick respected Daryl, as a man, a friend and someone who could and would protect their shared family at all costs.

Rick had never asked and never would, but he knew Daryl respected him the same way.

They had a mutual understanding.

Which made Rick confused as to why he felt so awkward sitting next to Daryl right then, when he never had before. Was it because of the formal atmosphere of Alexandria? Or was it the Constable thing, because Rick was a cop again? Maybe it was the fact that Daryl was practically ignoring him…

Rick shrugged the feeling off, he wasn't about to let their new living space and circumstances mess with the way he and Daryl interacted, with the solidity of their relationship, because nothing had changed between them…or at least Rick didn't think it had.

"Didn't see you at the party." Rick said with a sort of smile as he hooked his elbows around his knees, getting comfortable. Daryl smoked from his cigarette as he glanced at Rick and shrugged,

"Did'n think I was expected." He mumbled in his gruff tone.

Rick glanced from Daryl's side profile -mostly covered by his dark lengthy hair- to the stairs below them as he nodded,

"Guess not, everyone knows that isn't your kind of thing…" He said what he knew, but didn't really, because outside of the world of walkers, Rick didn't really know Daryl much at all, "….is it?" he asked with a slight frown and looked at Daryl again when he realized he was making unfounded assumptions.

Daryl scoffed out a puff of smoke, fidgeting as he often did with his hands,

"Hell nah'." He shook his head, but he looked amused.

Rick allowed himself a grin because Daryl was smirking somewhat, and Rick fanned some smoke away from his face as he spoke,

"Thought I should ask," he said at the same time as Daryl mumbled an apology for the smoke and put his cigarette out under his shoe, "its fine…" Rick mumbled indifferently and then he grinned wider when something occurred to him, "…this is the first time I've been able to _smell_ the _cigarettes_ when I'm around you."

It was a joke and Rick hoped Daryl would get it and take it as one.

Daryl gave him a sidelong look, deadly serious for a few tense seconds before his smirk returned and he nodded,

"That right, Rick?" he mumbled and Rick kept grinning,

"Yeah, man…I see you _finally_ cleaned up." he said instead of outright saying that Daryl's stink had been pretty rank just that morning.

It hadn't been noticeable one way or another before, when they'd all been stinking, but since everyone had taken to showering and grooming themselves in Alexandria, everyone besides Daryl, he'd started to stand out pretty bad.

Daryl didn't get offended by Rick's words, instead he actually huffed out something like a laugh,

"Yeah, Carol's been on my case…and then this mornin' Michonne told me she could smell me 'fore I walked into the room."

Rick had to laugh then, genuinely but quietly since Judith was sensitive to noise due the constant silence they'd always lived in and he didn't want to wake her. Rick was shaking his head, his laughter tapering off before he leaned his head to the side and looked at his hands as he splayed them palms up,

"Well, I didn't wanna' say anything to you, but…" he trailed off, still grinning when Daryl looked at him, now also shaking his head and _almost_ properly smiling,

"Some friend you are, huh." Daryl mumbled and when Rick made a show of shrugging, they both laughed quietly.

Rick had never heard Daryl outright laugh, probably because there was never much to laugh at, so the most Daryl ever managed was a short, breathy snorting sound, never any actual laughter and that time was no different, Daryl snorted a few times and Rick chuckled along.

They tapered off into silence after a moment and Rick was about to ask what Daryl had been up to that night when Daryl beat him too it,

"How was it, the party?" he didn't sound terribly interested, but he was making an effort at talking and it was a nice, ordinary –no death, panic, fear, stress- type of conversation, which Rick thought they both could use.

But Rick's smile still faded at the question, because he was reminded instantly of his dark thoughts from earlier in the bedroom, he was also reminded of Sasha's outburst at the party, contrasting his memory of Carl laughing and joking with friends and then the conflicted memory of him kissing Jessie like an idiot.

"That bad, huh?" Daryl's voice pulled Rick from his thoughts, his head was tilted to the side as he watched Rick, who realized he'd been practically scowling, "Somethin' happen?" Daryl glanced down at his scuffed shoes when he asked, his tone was neutrally questioning, interested enough but not expectant of an answer.

Rick watched him for a few seconds before he decided that, yeah, he was okay with talking to Daryl about something personal, something like how he was feeling about Jessie.

Rick didn't dive right in though, he started off somewhere else, he'd work his way up to it because he wasn't actually sure how Daryl would deal with talking about personal stuff,

"It was nice enough, the people looked happy…" he looked over at the side of the house next door, their other house, "….our people looked happy too…Carl was with his new friends and everyone obviously loves Judith." Rick glanced at Daryl to see the man nodding, giving Rick a quick look of understanding and Rick felt like he could keep talking, "But then Sasha flipped out, I think it was too much for her, too happy, too fake." Rick sighed heavily.

He could feel Daryl's eyes on him, but it didn't feel obtrusive or scrutinizing, only attentive and understanding.

Rick wondered how Daryl managed to be so guarded, introverted and yet so intuitive and insightful.

"She do anythin' stupid?" Daryl asked, probably thinking Sasha might have gotten violent, especially since she'd been showing signs of losing control more and more often.

Rick shook his head and ran his hand over his shaven face, feeling the growth of fine stubble as he did so,

"No, she just said some stuff, basically she called these people out for being so…clueless, oblivious…so…"

"Stupid." Daryl offered and Rick huffed out a laugh of agreement,

"…yeah, pretty much…and then she just walked out." Rick gestured with his hand out in front of him.

Daryl sniffed and glanced around, a habit they'd both developed after so long of having to watch their surroundings,

"That old lady get mad?" he asked.

Rick frowned,

"Deanna?" Daryl nodded once and Rick raised his eyebrows, "I don't know, I didn't stick around..." he glanced at Daryl again before he decided to finally go into the personal stuff, "…I had to get out of there," Daryl was still listening, "I…I did something stupid." He admitted.

Daryl had been focused on his fidgeting hands but he looked at Rick now, a slight frown on his face,

"Whachya' do, somethin' happen with Carol and the guns?" he asked quietly, but his tone was serious now.

Rick knew Daryl was instantly on alert now just in case they had to expect trouble. Typical Daryl.

Rick shook his head,

"No, calm down…it isn't anything like that." he felt like he shouldn't have brought it up, again realizing that his silly issue with Jessie was not serious, it was not a problem or a priority.

"What then?" Daryl sat up a little straighter, stretching one leg out so it was lying over a few stairs.

Rick looked at the dull grass of the back yard and shook his head,

"It's stupid, it's…personal, it isn't a problem." He said out aloud what he was thinking, with his doubt lacing his tone.

Daryl kept looking at him, face unreadable for a few seconds before he looked down at his fidgeting hands again,

"Ya' got somethin' ya' wanna' talk about, Rick…" he mumbled, "…I'm listenin'."

It was said sincerely, again Daryl's tone was neutral, but the fact that he told Rick he was listening really meant something to the former Deputy and Rick felt himself relax, just as he had earlier when he'd realized it was just Daryl who'd been lurking around.

With Daryl's verbal encouragement, Rick went ahead, hoping that talking to another man who had been going through a lot of the same stuff he had, such as the lack of privacy or any eligible women, would help him get some perspective,

"I kissed Jessie…" he said quietly and then added, "…only on her cheek, but it was in the open, where someone could've seen it and it wasn't appropriate, it was reckless, stupid."

Daryl stared at him sidelong, expression still unreadable,

"The blonde one?" Rick nodded, "The married, blonde one?" Daryl specified and Rick nodded again, "Anyone seen ya'?" Rick shook his head,

"I don't think so." He said tensely, blue eyes scanning the backyard unnecessarily.

Daryl looked down at the stairs as he brought his leg up and rested his elbows on his knees again, then he shook his head and said quietly,

"Ain't nothin' good gon' come of that, Rick." He pointed out honestly.

Rick knew that and he said so,

"I know that…but…she was carrying Judith, it looked so right somehow and Judy was so comfortable-…"

"Judith's comfortable with all our own people too, Rick, with our women…" Daryl frowned like he felt weird saying that last bit, "…ya' ain't ever tried ta' hit on none'a them." He finished, glancing at Rick.

Rick frowned,

"Our women…our girls…" it felt weird when he said it too, probably because of the context they were being referred to in, "…they're family, Daryl. They're like sisters, daughters…" he sighed, "…even the ones who are single, I just don't see them that way." Rick was being honest, "Do you?"

Daryl raised his eyebrows after a moment of thought and shook his head,

"Nah, s'weird." He mumbled gruffly, "Can't see em' like that."

"Exactly." Rick said with a hint of relief that he wasn't alone in his feelings, but then Daryl shot him down,

"Don' mean ya' right ta' kiss that girl, Rick, there're other women in this place." he sounded amused and Rick gave him a weary look,

"I know, but she's just-…"

"I get it, she's a pretty thing, girl next door, all sweet smiles and battin' eyelashes and shit..." Daryl mumbled in a neutral tone of voice again. And his eyes were focused on his hands, so Rick had no idea what he was thinking but Daryl's description surprised him, it seemed so entirely objective and even generalized, as if Daryl was saying without actually saying, that Jessie-types were common.

Or at least, had once been common.

But Rick didn't let himself over think about it, figuring he'd just be reading too much into Daryl's apparent disinterest,

"I was gonna' say nice." Rick said with a bit of a huff.

Daryl sighed before he spoke again,

"…nice ain't worth much these days." He mumbled it so gruffly that Rick almost missed it.

But the statement echoed Rick's own thoughts from earlier perfectly.

"I know that too…" Rick sighed, "…but what else is there, there aren't even many _people_ left." He knew he sounded pathetic, in a time of such disaster he was talking about the lack of 'fish in the sea'.

"I get it…" Daryl said again, "…ya' ain't had any options before, now ya' do." Daryl articulated Rick's thoughts, he really had a knack for that, or maybe Rick was just right about Daryl understanding where he was coming from.

After all, they were both men suffering through a drought, so to speak.

Still,

"Makes me sound like an asshole." Rick grumbled, rubbing his hand over his face.

Daryl glanced at Rick,

"I ain't sayin' don' find someone, Rick, ya' need whachya' need…" Daryl's understanding tone and his words made Rick look at him, "…I just don' think that blonde girl is whachya' need."

"Because she's married." Rick knew.

"And she got kids, Rick." Daryl pointed out, "Don' be that guy…that kinda' guy is an _asshole_." He was mumbling as usual but Rick heard every word.

And Daryl's words hit a nerve, sobering and offending Rick in their honestly, but both feelings were fleeting, because Rick wasn't the man he'd once been and he was still having trouble figuring out where he stood now, was he the good guy? Or was he the guy Daryl was advising him not to be?

"I don't know what kind of guy I am anymore, Daryl." Rick surprised himself by admitting that, it was **too** personal.

Daryl didn't look at him, he kept his eyes on his hands but he looked thoughtful,

"Ya' ain't like Shane, Rick," he said after a few long seconds, "ya' ain't **that** kinda' guy." He turned his head to look at Rick now and they stared at one another for a moment as Rick struggled to accept those honest words.

Words that Daryl had a right to say to him…because Daryl knew…

Daryl had been there from the beginning of Rick and Shane's problems on Hershel's farm, he'd seen it all, he'd stood by Rick through it all and Daryl was still there now.

So Rick didn't take his words lightly. He couldn't, he respected Daryl too much.

And Daryl's words were almost like psychic advisement, because Rick had been thinking…he'd been thinking that if Jessie's husband were just out of the way, then he could put himself in the picture and that was _exactly_ what had happened with Shane and Lori and himself.

Rick inhaled slowly and then he breathed out again as he looked up at the dark star studded sky before lowering his eyes to the grassy ground, and Daryl continued to sit quietly beside him. Rick noticed that the atmosphere had shifted, it felt tense and Rick didn't want it to stay that way. He'd wanted Daryl's advice which was what he'd gotten, and now he didn't want Daryl to think he didn't appreciate it.

"Daryl…"

"It ain't none'a my business though," Daryl spoke over Rick in a quick mumble, bringing his legs closer together as though he might stand up, so Rick intercepted him by placing a firm hand on Daryl's forearm,

"I _made_ it your business when I told you about it…" he said surely, looking straight into Daryl's narrowed eyes when he said it, "…I needed advice and I came to you," there was a rarely seen look of pride that flashed in Daryl's eyes at those words, it was a look that Rick liked to see since Daryl so often undervalued himself, "and thank you, Daryl, for being honest with me. I knew you would be." Rick added sincerely.

The tension slowly left Daryl's body, Rick could tell by the way the strong forearm under his hand relaxed and Rick only withdrew his hand after Daryl nodded at him. They shared another second of mutually felt respect, maintaining eye contact, before Daryl turned away to look around the back yard again.

Rick sighed into the silence and decided to try and lighten the mood,

"So, you said there are _other_ women here…" he smirked, "…you been looking?"

Daryl snorted,

"Nah', just keepin' track'a faces is all…gotta' know the people around us, in case anyone from outside gets in." his answer wasn't hesitant at all, it was completely honest.

Rick was perplexed by the neutrality Daryl apparently had on the subject,

"How do you do it, Daryl?" he wondered quietly, leaning a bit closer to the other man when he asked.

"Do what?" Daryl looked at Rick, raising an eyebrow and if Rick hadn't been that little bit closer he wouldn't have noticed it under all of Daryl's hair.

"How do you not…" Rick struggled for the right word and when he found a suitable one he went with it, "… **want**?"

Daryl blinked twice in between shifting his eyes to the sides,

"Want what?"

Seriously? Rick felt his face starting to get hot,

"Women, Daryl, sex…to get laid…or something, anything." Rick lowered his voice when he spoke, fidgeting where he sat as he tried to articulate what he was thinking without sounding nosy, "In all the time we've known one another, I've never seen you even look at any one in _that_ way…" Daryl's expression had slipped back into unreadability but Rick didn't dare stop now, "… and I'm pretty sure that Carol was interested for a long while there, back in the prison and after." Rick pointed out.

He'd finished saying his piece and he forced himself to hold Daryl's steady gaze, Rick even raised an expectant eyebrow, not about to let Daryl's silence be the answer to his questions, because Rick was sincerely curious to know.

After a tense while Daryl slid his eyes away, looking at Alexandria's large fence behind the house as he shrugged almost imperceptibly,

"Like ya' said, Rick, sisters and daughters…" Daryl mumbled and Rick ruled out Carol with those words, "…'sides, ain't no time for that shit anyhow." He added, sounding genuinely indifferent to it.

Rick frowned again, smiling curiously,

"Time?" he repeated, keenly interested to hear what Daryl had to say.

Daryl glanced at him,

"Ain't no time ta' get ta' know someone well enough ta' trust em', let em' close like that…no time and no patience neither, got shit ta' do." He spoke quietly, his gravelly tone as unreadable as his face.

It was frustrating, Rick couldn't figure out what Daryl was feeling or if his words held any sort of emotional inflection, he was apathetic and deadpan.

So Rick changed tactics,

"Fine, I understand that, can't trust people in this world…" he nodded, "…but what about sex, Daryl, _just_ sex?" Rick expected to feel more awkward asking Daryl Dixon about this, but oddly enough he didn't. It made him consider that maybe he and Daryl were more comfortable as friends and closer than he'd thought.

Daryl didn't look uncomfortable either, he didn't look _anything_ , he was completely blank faced, which was weird and annoying. After a minute long pause of Rick waiting, making sure Daryl knew he wasn't walking away without giving Rick an answer, Daryl finally spoke, shrugging again,

"Somethin' I like comes along, s'interested, I might go for it…" he mumbled in that way that was near inaudible but Rick was _listening_.

And he found Daryl's answer interesting.

Rick found he was actually enjoying this conversation, he and Shane used to talk about this stuff, just as good friends usually did and he was finding out that he and Daryl could too,

"Something, huh. You got any specific type? You can't be too picky these days." Rick said with a grin, the sort he used to share with Shane during these entertaining conversations.

Daryl snorted before he responded,

"Pickier'n you at least…" he muttered.

Rick scoffed,

"What?"

Daryl was smirking now, they were messing with one another and it was refreshing, Rick was enjoying it,

"Never pegged ya' for liking married women or blondes, seems kinda' desperate, Rick." He teased and while Rick was not oblivious to the unsubtle deflection of his initial question, he was willing to let it go.

Rick laughed quietly at Daryl's jibe,

"Fuck you…" he'd never said that to Daryl before, angry or otherwise but it wasn't received negatively, in fact Daryl was smirking just a bit more than before.

Rick was thinking of something to say as a follow up but then he heard the front door open inside the house and a single light click before Rick heard footfalls coming toward the kitchen. Whoever it was, was looking for someone because their steps halted and continued, probably as they looked around, their shoes scuffing against the wooden floors audibly.

Rick glanced at Daryl to find the other man was staring at the wall of Alexandria, deep in thought about something.

"Daryl? Oh, hey dad." Carl's voice made Rick turn around where he sat just enough to face his son,

"Hey Carl, did you enjoy the party?" Rick asked, smiling as he looked over his son, who actually looked his age now that he wasn't stressed or tired or covered in gore and dirt, Rick really appreciated the sight.

"Yeah, it was okay," Carl said as vaguely as ever as he stood with his hands on either side of the door frame, and after he'd answered he looked away from Rick and instead at Daryl, "Hey, Daryl…?" Carl wasn't greeting, his tone was seeking Daryl's attention,

"Yeah?" Daryl didn't turn around.

"Aaron stopped me on my way hom-, uh, here…" Carl frowned a bit at the uncertain slip and Rick felt bad for him, Carl wanted to live in Alexandria, but he was also still cynical about how permanent it would be, "…he said to tell you to come by any time in the morning." Carl rattled off.

"A'right." Daryl mumbled gruffly, still not turning around and Rick glanced from his son to Daryl before the former shrugged,  
"…okay…" he said flatly, "…night dad, Daryl." Carl added almost absently as he turned around to go inside,

"Uh, night son..." Rick responded and then followed up quickly, "…check on your sister, Carl." He said it just before Carl disappeared from sight, after he'd glanced back and nodded at Rick.

Rick leaned back against the stair banister and looked at Daryl again,  
"I saw you coming back with Aaron today from outside, you got business with him?" Rick asked Daryl seriously.

Daryl glanced at Rick and nodded,

"Somethin' like that."

"You trust him, Daryl?" Rick asked, leaning forward, elbow rested on one of his knees.

Daryl took a little longer to answer that time as he kept his eyes downcast and then he nodded once, glancing at Rick again,

"He's a'right."

Rick took note that it wasn't a yes, but it also wasn't a no. He took note because when Daryl trusted someone he was usually going on instinct and Rick trusted Daryl and Daryl's instincts.

So he made a mental note about Aaron being 'alright' and then the idea to tease Daryl –and get him back for his earlier jibe- struck Rick,

"So you got s _omething_ going on with Aaron, huh." He said the words with a smirk, because Daryl had said 'if something comes along' and he had 'something' he was doing with Aaron, and Rick was going to use those words to make fun of Daryl just because he could, "So, does Eric have something to worry about, Daryl?" he made his tone as amused as possible, to make sure Daryl knew he was joking.

Daryl made a sound between a huff and a snort and Rick was relieved that he didn't look offended at the implication,

"Nah', Rick, I don' go after what ain't for the takin'." Daryl cleverly and indirectly took another stab at Rick's dilemma with Jessie, but Rick saw the opening to get Daryl back right away,

"Ok, ok, I get it…" he laughed, hands up and splayed in surrender, "...but just so we're clear, you're saying that if Aaron were single, you'd go after him?" in all honestly, Rick was expecting Daryl to return the 'fuck you' comment he'd made earlier.

But then something else happened. Something that made Rick speechless.

Daryl glanced at Rick and then _shrugged_ ,

"Mighta'." Was all Daryl mumbled, and he said it gruffly and nonchalantly.

Silence followed.

Daryl glanced at Rick and then away and then he looked again and kept looking at Rick…who was dumbstruck by the _confession_ –because that was essentially what it was- that Daryl had just stated so disinterestedly.

Or was he joking? Rick couldn't tell…but something about the way Daryl had said it just seemed so honest.

Rick's face twitched between frowning and gawking for the seconds of shocked silence that lapsed, but when he heard Daryl sigh, almost regretfully, he quickly snapped out if it because he didn't want Daryl regretting having told him something so _personal_.

Especially something of that sensitive nature.

"…wait, wait a second…" Rick sat forward, forcing the words out before Daryl could get up and walk away, "…so you're…" Rick lowered his voice and stared straight at Daryl, who was looking right at him, expression marginally annoyed, "…did you just tell me that you're gay? That you like men?" he tried to keep his voice as neutral as he did quiet.

He didn't want Daryl to misunderstand his disbelief for homophobia. Rick wasn't homophobic, he was just astounded that he'd had absolutely **no** idea in all the time he'd known Daryl. But maybe that explained Daryl's indifference to women…except, Daryl seemed indifferent to men as well, so maybe not.

Daryl had just confessed to being gay though and that just flat out amazed Rick. He never saw it coming.

But Daryl shook his head and Rick felt lost for a second, questioning whether he'd misunderstood,  
"Like what I like, don' care much about whether s'one or the other." Daryl was mumbling really low again and Rick had leaned forward slightly to hear his answer, surprised he was even getting one at all.

Rick had to figure that Daryl meant woman or man when he said one or the other and Rick quickly whispered,

"You're bisexual then?"

Daryl just shrugged.

Rick sat back, looked around, frowned and shook his head with a smile,

"How did I not know this about you, Daryl?" he asked incredulously.

"S'not important." Daryl sniffed, his eyes focused on the wall again.

Rick glanced at the house, at the doorway,

"Does anyone else know?" he figured maybe Carol knew. Someone **had to** know.

But Daryl just shook his head,

"…only one'at knew was Merle." He said right before he stood up.

Just like that the conversation was over and Rick wished he'd reacted differently when Daryl had first told him.

He was worried he'd upset Daryl somehow.

So Rick kept talking, hoping to leave the conversation on better terms, even as Daryl was making to leave,

"Merle knew…?" that surprised Rick, since Merle had been a colossal prick with every kind of prejudice and subjective intolerance that existed, but then again, he had loved Daryl and so he'd had to have accepted it.

That Daryl slept with both men and women…Rick was stunned, he couldn't imagine how Merle had felt.

But brothers were brothers after all.

Daryl glanced at Rick before he turned and walked towards the house and his last words to Rick before he disappeared inside sounded annoyed, sad and…amused,

"Why the fuck do ya' think he used ta' call me Darlena?"

Rick was left sitting with an amused and confused look on his face.

And so many questions in his mind.

* * *

Many hours later Rick lay awake in his bed, Judith was sound asleep, the rest of the house was all in their respective rooms probably asleep too and the doors and windows of the house were locked and latched…mostly out of paranoia. All the lights were out as well and everything, as it had been in the new world for a long, long time, was dead quiet.

Aside from one noise, and it was usually faint, but if Rick listened carefully enough, he could hear a stray walker or two outside the walls at the back of the house…and it kept him up sometimes, because he listened just that carefully.

But it didn't bother him, because sleep didn't really matter so much anymore since being in Alexandria, Rick felt generally well rested now that he wasn't starving, stressing and sleeping on or in uncomfortable places. He wasn't constantly worried about everyone's safety every second of every day either, and as a result, he wasn't exhausted and he had some energy on reserve.

Good energy, bad energy, unnecessary energy…and he blamed the last one on the list for his too sudden interest in married, blonde, Jessie.

The thought of Jessie made Rick think back to his conversation with Daryl from earlier and he smirked to himself in the dark. It had been a candid, friendly and also very helpful conversation. And right at the very end it had become nearly unbelievable and also really interesting.

Rick was still thrown by the revelation that Daryl was bisexual, he was also amazed by how well the man hid it. In all the time he'd known Daryl he'd never seen a hint or even a glimmer of a hint…of anything.

Rick might have assumed Daryl were asexual before thinking he swung both ways.

Rick wondered how Daryl managed it, how did he never let his _needs_ show through, distract him or frustrate him?

Maybe Daryl really did have Zen, just as Lori had told Rick, Daryl had claimed to have a long time ago when they'd been searching for Sophia.

Rick had laughed then, but he wasn't laughing now as he thought about Daryl's self-control.

Daryl never did just lose his temper, not unless someone provoked or threatened him or one of their people. He wasn't notably moody, mostly because he didn't seem to have very many shades of a personality, so it was really hard to even tell most of the time what mood Daryl was in. He liked his personal space but went off on his own less and less as time had gone on and things became more dangerous and even now in Alexandria he wasn't going too far away from the house, no matter how much he probably wanted to, he stayed close where he might be needed.

And all the while, Rick became more tightly wound with stress and frustrations and the need to just be able to breathe while Daryl just stayed at his side, calm as a fucking cucumber right up until a situation warranted otherwise.

It wasn't even so much about the sexual frustration, which was something Rick had only noticed was a problem now that he had too much time on his hands. To Rick it was a wonder how Daryl dealt so well with _any_ frustration.

Even Glenn occasionally lost it, he'd get edgy or snappish with everyone. Maggie did too, she cried and screamed when it was really bad, she could get so angry about all the people she'd lost. Abraham was often wound too tight, ready to snap and almost always scowling. Rosita, Eugene and Tara all seemed to have the passive aggressive thing down pat, they were sarcastic and rude at their worst. Sasha was plain down losing her shit.

Gabriel was creepy and was really morbid sometimes. Noah was anxious and everyone made him feel uncomfortable more often that not. Carol was quietly dangerous, she'd become the ' _most likely to_ _kill you in your sleep'_ type at some point and she was weirding Rick the fuck out recently with her Jekyll and Hyde behavior around everyone. Michonne had her blatant 'back the fuck off' glare ever at the ready, no speculation required. Carl was a teenager and tended to brood as teenagers did when they hated the world, and Carl really had a reason to hate the world so…

Hell, even Judith had her days when she was just cranky.

But not Daryl. Daryl was dangerous when he needed to be, he was helpful when he needed to be, he was friendly –enough- when he needed to be, he was insightful when he needed to be.

But when nobody was expecting anything of him…he was just Daryl.

And therein laid the question Rick wanted answered, more so now than before…who was Daryl?

Merle had probably been one of the few people who could really answer that question, now he was dead, probably along with anyone else Daryl had ever known, or who might have known him, so there was nobody left who really knew who Daryl Dixon was.

And Rick wanted to know.

He'd gotten his first big glimpse into who Daryl was earlier that evening and it had been pretty groundbreaking.

It was so hard as it was, for Rick to imagine Daryl holding or kissing a woman, because he was so physically guarded. Daryl had no soft edges, even when it came to Judith, he was gentler with her than he was with anyone or anything else, but still never completely overtaken by the power of baby cuteness.

At least not that Rick had ever seen.

So in thinking that a woman probably couldn't get _that_ close, the idea of Daryl holding and/or kissing a _man_ just boggled Rick's mind…

He just didn't think he could picture it, but he tried anyway. Couldn't help himself really, he had to.

Rick stared up at the clean white ceiling through the relative darkness of his room and he tried earnestly to picture Daryl holding a man the way Rick himself would hold a woman.

He could sort of see it. Sort of. But the featureless shape Daryl was holding in Rick's mind was of slighter build and height and was honestly closer to the outline of a woman, which was not what he was trying to imagine.

So Rick skipped the featureless shape and tried to picture Daryl holding Carol.

Platonically, he managed it, so he tried to picture Daryl kissing Carol…and it got really weird cause the Daryl in his mind didn't know where to put his hands and kind of just stood there while the Carol in Rick's mind peppered Daryl's face and mouth with kisses while holding his face…and yeah, it was weird, so he stopped thinking about that. It was probably because of the sisters and daughters conversation from earlier, it had clearly made an impact on Rick's view point regarding Daryl and Carol.

Rick sighed at his unsuccessful imaginings before he glanced to the side of the too large bedroom, across the left side of the too large bed, over to Judith's crib where she was still fast asleep, safe and warm.

After a moment of listening to Judith breathe softly, Rick looked back to the ceiling and instead of thinking too much about how to go about putting the picture together in his mind, he dove head first into the imagining of Daryl holding Aaron. It didn't look right in his mind, very stiff, awkward, uncomfortable. Still, he went ahead and tried to picture Daryl kissing Aaron…and Rick snorted out a laugh that he hadn't been able to help.

He lay smiling like an idiot because that had been the weirdest thing he'd ever imagined.

It looked so gay…well it was gay, so, but okay, Rick stopped smiling and thought about it more seriously. All the unimaginables aside, he couldn't realistically see Daryl kissing someone like Aaron and he actually found it really hard to believe Daryl had been serious in any way when he'd said he 'mighta' been interested in Aaron.

Aaron was so proper and domestic and his clothes were so neatly tucked and pressed in all the correct places.

But there Rick went again, making assumptions about Daryl. He had no clue what kind of women…or men, Daryl had been interested in before the walkers took over. Maybe Daryl liked the housewife type, maybe he liked someone who was soft and primly put together because it contrasted everything that he was.

Maybe that's why Daryl wasn't looking for anyone anymore, because in the world they lived in, _nice_ just wasn't worth much, like Daryl had said.

Rick was smiling again, wanting to laugh as he pictured Daryl in the former world coming home from a typical construction site sort of job, to a little housewife wearing an apron and holding a casserole dish with oven mitts covering her small hands as it steamed freshly and then after placing it down she'd walk over to Daryl, stand on her tippy toes and kiss him on his cheek.

And then suddenly it was Aaron kissing Daryl on the cheek in that exact scenario and Rick rolled over to chortle into his pillow.

He hadn't found anything quite this amusing in a long time and he doubted Daryl would be amused if he knew what Rick was lying awake and thinking about. Rick was only entertained by it because it seemed so incredibly farfetched though. It was as odd to picture as it had been for him when Michonne had first told him about her background. If it hadn't been for her story ending in such a horrible tragedy, Rick would have laughed at the idea of Michonne as a housewife.

It went to show, you never really knew someone, until you got to know them.

And really, Daryl was the final missing piece to their group's people puzzle, he was still the one everybody knew the least, -scratch that- almost _nothing_ about. There were bits and pieces they'd learned here and there, things Daryl had told Carl or Glenn or Michonne or Rick himself in the moments where the information was relevant in some way and it had been passed on, but they were unconnected pieces of info that didn't add up to anything.

And Rick had been given another random piece that night, and truth be told, he hadn't handled it very well.

Daryl probably thought Rick was an ass for gawking at him the way he had.

Rick had literally stared with his mouth open and a frown on his face, could've caught a few damn flies.

Shit. Now that he was thinking about it again, it really was no good, Rick couldn't leave it like that, Daryl deserved an apology.

Rick sighed and sat up, tossing the blanket off himself before he swung his legs off the bed and got to his feet. Rick was only wearing a white T shirt and blue boxers, so he went over to the drawers that had come stock with the house, filled with well fitted clothes, and he took out a comfortable gray sweat pants and pulled it on.

Rick then left his bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar in order for him or anyone else to hear Judith if she woke up, before he made his way to the staircase and then down to where Daryl would be.

They'd been given two houses when they arrived in Alexandria, five bedrooms in each as well as two complete bathrooms and three en-suites, one in the master of each house and the others in different rooms, and of course the standard kitchen, dining room, living room set up with an extra room or space in the respective layout of each large house.

The fourteen of them had worked it out fairly well, firstly, Gabriel had been given a room at the chapel, so that narrowed it down to thirteen people in two houses. Abraham, Rosita, Sasha, Tara, Noah, Eugene, Glenn and Maggie had taken the second house, Noah having turned the small study in the second house into a bedroom meant everyone was accommodated.

That left Rick, Carl, Judith, Daryl, Carol and Michonne in the first house, which didn't have a study and it was the house with smaller bedrooms but Rick liked it better. So by default Carl and Judith stayed in it and Daryl and Michonne did too. Carol just said she preferred the kitchen in the first house, and Rick had no complaints.

He'd have liked Glenn and Maggie close, but they'd become good friends with Abraham, Rosita and the rest, so they opted to stay in the second house even after Daryl had offered them his designated downstairs bedroom in the first house.

It wasn't like Daryl actually used the damn bedroom anyway, Rick always found the couch looked slept on every morning. And that was where he was headed right then, to the living room, because that's where he expected to find Daryl, maybe asleep, but probably still awake, even at 1.30 AM.

Rick treaded lightly, bare feet patting the wooden floor quietly as he rounded the corner of the open plan dining room/living room area and Rick frowned when he saw that the dark lounge was actually void of anyone, it didn't even look like Daryl had been in there that night. Rick turned around on the spot once, glancing around the dark space of downstairs before he walked down the short hall to the bedroom which was situated next to the downstairs bathroom, the room Daryl hadn't yet used since they'd arrived.

He raised his eyebrows as he stopped outside the bedroom door at the end of the hall, the light was on under the door which meant Daryl was actually inside his allocated bedroom. Rick considered that to be a good thing, it meant Daryl was finally getting comfortable, first he'd showered and now he was sleeping in a bed, it was something at least.

There was silence from inside after Rick knocked and he thought maybe he'd done so too quietly, so he knocked again and waited. He heard nothing from inside the room, so when the door opened Rick was actually surprised. It was just a reminder of how quietly Daryl could move around…especially when he wasn't wearing shoes…

…Daryl wasn't wearing shoes. Or his sleeveless leather vest, or any variation of an awful plaid shirt, sleeveless or otherwise.

Daryl stood in the open space of the door wearing the dark brown pants he'd had on earlier, but he wore it without a belt and there were no rags hanging out of his pockets. Also, and most surprisingly, he wore it with only a comfortably fit black vest, the kind usually worn under a shirt and finally, there were no worn old brown shoes on his feet, just a pair of black socks.

Rick knew he was probably acting like everyone had after seeing his shaven face **and** it was the second time that night that he was staring at Daryl like a dumbass. But Rick couldn't help it, he hadn't seen Daryl without his thick leather vest and layers of clothes, dirty or recently clean, in so many months…not since the first time he'd met Daryl over a year ago and during the time they'd spent on Hershel's farm.

Back then Daryl's hair had still been short and Rick had been able to see his face properly.

It seemed like it had been so much longer since then though, felt much longer that they'd known one another.

"Rick?" Daryl said his name like a question.

Rick took in a quick breath and smiled, nodding,

"Glad to see you're finally making use of your room." Was the first thing that came to mind to say.

Daryl stared at him for a few seconds before he said,

"A'huh."

His response, so guarded and stiff, reminded Rick that he was there to apologize for his reaction to what Daryl had told him earlier, so Rick placed his hands on his hips and got to it,

"Look, I just wanted to apologize." He kept his voice quiet, even though it still seemed loud inside the silent house.

"For what?" Daryl asked flatly.

"For earlier…" Rick glanced at the floor and then back to Daryl, "…I don't want you thinking I have a problem with what you told me, I was just surprised, you surprised me." He finished, hoping he sounded apologetic.

Daryl blinked, his eyes darting from side to side before he looked at Rick again,

"Ya' couldna' told me that in the mornin'?"

Rick huffed out a laugh because Daryl was right and now he felt like an idiot, but he covered it up,

"Well…it isn't like you were asleep, and neither was I, so…" he trailed off with a tip of his head.

Daryl looked at him thoughtfully before he stepped back from the door,

"Ya' got somethin' ta' worry bout' that's keeping ya' up?" he walked into his bedroom after opening the door a bit wider and Rick took a second to realize that Daryl was giving him the option of going inside the room to talk.

Rick felt oddly privileged to be allowed into Daryl's bedroom, into a degree of his personal space, and he went inside with a confident step, glancing around the mostly untouched room as he absently shut the door behind himself.

Daryl glanced at the closed door and Rick forced himself not to turn and open it again when he noticed, because intentionally opening it felt like it would somehow be worse than having absently closed it, so Rick pretended like he hadn't noticed.

He just stood there for a few seconds as Daryl resituated himself on the floor, on his knees at the foot of the bed where he was busy doing something with his crossbow, it looked to Rick like he was replacing the bowstring.

Daryl looked up at Rick expectantly when some excess silence had lapsed and Rick remembered he'd been asked a question,

"Uh, just the usual…" he rasped out, "…lying awake, listening to the walkers outside the walls…" Rick thought it was best not to tell Daryl what he'd really been up thinking about but despite thinking that, he didn't listen to himself because he was too damn curious as this point, "…and…I was thinking about you."

Okay, that sounded weird.

Daryl didn't look up, but Rick noticed he paused in what he was doing,

"…ya' worrying bout' me, Rick?" he asked rhetorically as he continued working on his bow again, "Ain't no need."

Rick was grateful that Daryl didn't take his words at awkward face value, instead he'd come out with something far less weird to respond with.

That, however, did not mean Rick's answer wouldn't bring the weird right back around,

"No…" he shook his head and Daryl did look up at him that time, "…not worrying…" Daryl kept staring at him so Rick broke eye contact and decided to just spit it out, "…I was thinking about what you told me, I was trying to get my head…around it." God, Rick didn't know _why_ but he gestured in a slow circle with one of his hands when he said the last two words.

Why was he acting like such an idiot? And why was his face getting hot?

"The hell does that mean?" Daryl asked in a gruff but clear tone, no mumbling, "Tryna' get ya' head round' what?" and the tension in his voice was crystal clear too.

Rick knew he had to salvage the mess he was making, and he had two choices, walk away while Daryl was hopefully not yet offended or plough ahead and try to explain himself, and hope that he didn't make it worse.

But then Daryl was setting his crossbow down, so option number one was probably a no go anymore, Daryl obviously wanted an answer.

Rick cleared his throat and forced himself to meet Daryl's eyes,

"I just mean, that I can't…imagine…" he placed his hands on his hips firmly so he didn't do anymore gesturing, "…I can't picture you…with…" he inhaled, "…a man." He probably should have said woman too, but wasn't the first admission bad enough? Rick thought so.

"Why're ya' tryin' to?" Daryl asked plainly.

Rick's ears were on fire in an instant, his eyebrows rising as he blinked a few times, he hadn't expected that entirely legitimate question and he couldn't look away from Daryl's direct stare as he tried to think of a viable answer,

"Uh, well…I, I just…" he started uncertainly, "…I'm, I'm curious about it…" wait what? Rick coughed out an awkward laugh and frowned, that had sounded weird, again, and Rick wished he'd worded it better because Daryl was starting to frown, "…I mean, I mean that I'd like to know more about you." Rick ran a hand over his mouth when he finished, thinking that he'd finally said it right, because that was what he'd meant in the first place.

Daryl was still frowning,

"Whats'sat got ta' do with you layin' in bed picturing me with a man?" he asked flatly and then he raised his eyebrows, "Got somethin' ya' wanna tell me, Rick?"

Rick took an absent step backward as he frowned and shook his head,

"Oh…my God…" he huffed out a 'huh' sound and placed his hand on his forehead, "Daryl…no, man, I didn't-…I'm…" Rick was completely embarrassed because this entire thing was just going so _wrong_ and now Daryl was going to start thinking all kinds of weird things and he'd think Rick was a total creep…

…but Daryl was smiling as he watched Rick freak out and then he started laughing. Holy shit, Daryl was _properly_ laughing, his shoulders were actually shaking and he pressed the back of his wrist to his mouth to muffle the sound as he leaned back against the foot of his bed.

Rick was floored, left staring at Daryl with his mouth hanging open for the third time in one night,

"You, you son of a bitch…" Rick huffed out an incredulous laugh, placing his hands on his hips again and starting to smile when he realized that Daryl had been messing with him and then Rick started to laugh as well, at his own stupidity.

"Ya' face, man…" Daryl said from behind his wrist, still laughing, "…ain't never seen ya' so fuckin' red before." He was very amused with his little prank and Rick just stared at the sight of Daryl laughing, eventually dropping his head back onto the bed and lowering his wrist, wearing a full, toothy smile on his face.

Rick had never seen Daryl's teeth so visibly before and he absently noted that Daryl had good teeth and a nice smile and a strangely high pitched laugh.

And Rick wondered what exactly was happening. When was it that Daryl had become so comfortable around him that he was able to tease and laugh so freely? Rick hated that he'd missed the point where they'd actually become friends, he had only just started trying to establish a proper friendship earlier that evening, but apparently Daryl was way ahead of him. Rick considered that maybe he'd been too caught up in everything else going on to ever notice.

But then he thought that maybe this was just another thing about Daryl he'd never known, maybe Daryl was the kind of guy who made jokes and messed with his friends when he was comfortable around someone and his guard was down.

Rick blinked himself out of his speculative thoughts, still smiling,

"Alright," he drawled, "you had your laugh…I fell for it, it was a good one." He nodded at Daryl.

Daryl had stopped snickering and he looked at Rick with a half-smile on his face,

"I had to, man." He reasoned, still sounding amused.

"Apparently, but I guess I was an easy target, coming down here to ask you about that kinda' stuff was asking for it." Rick reasoned as well, being a good sport.

"Nah, I was takin' ya' serious for a while there," Daryl smirked again, "then ya' started blushin' an' I _had_ ta' fuck with ya'." He said candidly.

Rick nodded again, but his mind was back tracking…Daryl had been taking him seriously?

"Where did I go wrong?" he asked with a smile. Dammit, he really was too curious, he still wanted an answer.

Or was it an explanation, or rather a description, that he wanted? Because Rick didn't really have a question, he just had a scenario he couldn't imagine, that he wanted Daryl to…well, he didn't really know…maybe just help Rick to picture it somehow. But why did he want to picture it anyway? Just to sate his curiosity?

Rick was starting to give himself a headache and he honestly didn't even know what he was still doing there, since he'd already apologized to Daryl, he didn't know why that hadn't been the end of it. Why was he so curious?

"When ya' said you were curious…" Daryl was still smiling as he gestured to his own face, "…ya' face got all awkward lookin'. I'm surprised I held it together s'long as I did without crackin' up." Daryl was speaking in a low voice but it wasn't as mumbled or gruff as usual.

Rick nodded absently and watched with a certain degree of fascination as Daryl picked his crossbow back up and started to tinker with it again, still grinning and he seemed completely relaxed in Rick's presence,

"You got me, I didn't suspect anything." he admitted, speaking in the slow, southern accented way he usually did and smiling slightly. Rick had honestly been too embarrassed with himself to have seen through Daryl's joke.

There was a beat of silence as Daryl focused on whatever he was doing with his crossbow, seemed to be something concerning the screws, then,

"Ya' still got a question though, huh." Daryl said more than asked, not looking at Rick as he took something out of his pocket and used it on the crossbow.

Rick was reminded that he didn't actually have a question, and that was sort of a problem because he didn't need an answer, he wanted a _visual_.

Why? He had no idea.

Rick had come to apologize but then he'd stayed because Daryl had invited him in and he was still there because he was curious. Because he wanted to be able to imagine Daryl in the new way he'd only recently learned about and it made no sense to Rick, but that was the crux of it.

Rick watched as Daryl carried out his crossbow maintenance with familiar ease, looking concentrated on his task and yet Daryl could probably overhaul the bow in his sleep, so Rick knew Daryl's attention was on him too, maybe even mostly, waiting patiently for Rick to ask a question.

Rick glanced at the door, considering just walking away while everything was _still_ good between them, better even since Daryl had laughed and joked and it felt like they were friends. But, **dammit** , Rick was an _adult_ , so he was going to say his piece _maturely_ and get some sort of closure to this weird curiosity he was experiencing once and for all.

"I don't have…uh, it's not a question," Rick said slowly and Daryl glanced at him, "I wasn't kidding when I said I couldn't picture it, you with a man like _that,_ it just doesn't fit." He added quickly, trying to explain.

Daryl didn't look at him or respond for almost a full minute, and Rick patiently watched whatever Daryl was doing with the crossbow until Daryl was done and he got to his feet.

He finally spoke once he was standing up, as he gave his work on the bowstring and screws a once over,

"Don' fit, huh? Wha', I'm too manly or somethin'?" Daryl snorted at his own words.

Rick realized then that Daryl was probably hyperaware of the stereotypes about men who liked men, but Rick reminded himself that Daryl didn't exclusively like men…and also that stereotypes weren't always right, they didn't apply to everyone.

Still, if he was being honest,

"Something like that." Rick agreed, "Cause' I can sorta' picture you with a woman…like say, uh, Carol." He lied.

Daryl snorted again and shot Rick a side look before he walked toward the wall and leaned his crossbow against it,

"Whas'it with you thinkin' I'd hook up with Carol." He mumbled as he turned to face Rick.

Rick groaned and weakly threw his hands up,

"I don't know, Daryl, she's just the only person I've seen you get even a little close to, so I guess that's why." He explained uncertainly as he looked over the length of Daryl, who was now standing and facing him and Rick found that Daryl seemed slighter in build without his layers of clothing.

He actually looked much thinner, and he had broad shoulders, toned arms, a lean torso, narrow waist, assumedly slim and toned legs under his usually baggy pants…and finally, Rick's eyes settled on Daryl's socked feet as he frowned thoughtfully. Rick didn't know the Daryl he was looking at right then, the stripped down to basics Daryl, without his layers, his badassery and his crossbow on his back almost 24/7, but Rick found himself wanting to.

"Look, Rick, I can't help ya' with…" Daryl shrugged as he stood facing Rick a few feet away, "…whatever this is." His voice was low and gruff again, "If ya' ain't got a question, I can't give ya' no answer to it." He said plainly and Rick continued to watch him, sort of seeing Daryl properly for the first time.

Daryl's hair was in his eyes from when he'd leaned over to put the crossbow down and for what was likely the first time ever that Rick was seeing, he watched Daryl move his hair out of his face to the sides using one of his hands, and it seemed like an absent, every day habit. And Rick knew that logically, Daryl probably had to do it frequently, because there were more than enough times when Rick would look at Daryl all covered up behind his hair and then look again a minute later and actually be able to see Daryl's face. But he'd never actually seen Daryl brush his hair out of his face until right then. Or maybe he'd just never taken notice before…

"Rick?" Daryl was frowning at him.

Well of course he was frowning, Rick was staring at him, again. What the hell. Rick wasn't sure what was up with him,

"Uh…" he blinked, "…right, I don't have a question, I just can't picture it..." He said distractedly, repeating himself as he mentally processed all the new 'Daryl' information he was discovering.

"Right," Daryl said with one narrowed eye, "an' I can't help ya' with that short'a givin' ya' a firsthand demonstration or somethin', so just-…"

"Wait…" Rick said with a frown. Had he heard right?

"…-forget about it." Daryl finished with a one shoulder shrug.

"Wait," Rick repeated more audibly and took a step forward, "what did you just say, that last part?" Rick's attention was one hundred percent back on their conversation now.

Those words, 'firsthand demonstration' were like a bell going off in Rick's head for some reason and he felt anxious and awkward and vaguely lightheaded –excited?- all of a sudden. Rick shifted on his feet,

"Could you repeat that, please?" he even asked nicely.

Daryl's eyes were sharp for a second, as if he was mentally replaying what he'd just said with more scrutiny, and then his eyes narrowed and he shook his head,

"Can't help ya'." He said gruffly, with a hint of finality.

"Nooooo, Daryl," Rick drawled, definitely feeling a little giddy as he raised a hand and pointed a finger at Daryl as he smirked, "what you said was, ' _short of a firsthand demonstration_ , you can't help me'." He repeated more accurately as if it were something to be smug about. It hadn't yet occurred to Rick that asking about it was implying he might be interested in it, "What does that mean, exactly, Daryl? Like… do you mean you'd have to use me to demonstrate it, to help me get the picture?"

And then it occurred to him.

Rick's smirk disappeared and he frowned, taking a step back as he looked at the floor trying to figure out what had possessed him to pursue that particular detail in Daryl's words. His face was hot again and his stomach was doing a really strange overturning thing that reminded him of when he'd been a teenager, going up to talk to girls that had been in Shane's league and not his own.

Rick was out of his depth and suddenly he knew it.

Apparently Daryl knew it too,

"Go ta' bed, Rick." he said rather sternly, "I think ya' need ta' sleep." He added, sounding dismissive as he turned away from Rick and proceeded to empty the contents of his pockets onto the bedside counter. A crumpled cigarette pack, a box of matches, a few allen keys and what looked like an old, worn money bill, the value of which Rick couldn't ascertain, were all placed down untidily.

And Rick remained where he stood, because despite being out of his depth on the particular subject he was so curious about right then, when he considered everything he'd been through, Rick didn't think embarrassing himself a little in front of Daryl was anything major.

So he dove right back in, ready to insist that they have the conversation out until a conclusion was reached,

"I can't, I won't be able to sleep." Rick said with a stubborn look on his face.

Daryl looked at him again, pockets empty now, leaving him with nothing to fiddle with and no choice but to focus on Rick,  
"Why's it matter anyhow, ain't m'portant." Daryl loosely folded his arms across his chest.

Rick shrugged and went with an honest answer,

"There isn't much for me to worry about here, in this place…" he gestured around them, "…not like there was out there, day to day, food, safety, Judith, Carl, our people." He sighed, "So now I got too much time to think about stuff, I got all these little things going around in my head that aren't going anywhere or serving a purpose…" Rick shook his head once, "…and an idle mind isn't a good thing, Daryl." he said seriously, since all he'd been able to think about recently was Jessie and taking over Alexandria, "So I'm trying to distract myself, trying to focus on something…positive." He finished.

And then Rick wondered whether Daryl's bisexuality could be viewed as a positive thing in his life…

Nope…no, it just sounded weird. And Daryl was frowning again.

Rick was seriously out of practice with talking socially, he seemed to be wearing his foot in his mouth as opposed to just putting it there every once in a while.

Daryl shook his head once after a moment of static silence,

"Glad I could take ya' mind offa' that blonde girl, Rick, but I **still** can't help ya'." He stressed the word.

"Why not?" Rick asked straight up.

Daryl really frowned now, looking like he thought Rick was right off his head,

"Are ya' serious…do ya' hear ya'self?" Daryl stared at Rick as he gestured near his own ear, his finger moving in a few small and subtle circles, implying that he thought Rick was both deaf and crazy.

Rick ignored the gesture and gave Daryl an expectant look, feigning confidence in what he was asking, when he really wasn't _at all_.

Daryl sighed through his nose and shook his head,

"I don't know what ya' think ya' asking for, Rick, but I ain't demonstrating nothin'." He said with gruff, obvious finality and then he glanced at the door pointedly.

Rick blinked as he remembered that the demonstration thing was still the _only_ option on the table, and it was an option that Daryl probably hadn't intended to say or for Rick to even acknowledge, let alone be asking about so seriously.

Rick took a moment, basking in Daryl's annoyance, to wonder if he was _seriously_ asking Daryl to demonstrate his bisexuality to him -with him? on him?-, whatever the correct phrasing, it would have to involve him and Daryl and…a demonstration.

Rick decided that, yes, he was serious, since his curiosity wasn't going anywhere.

So Rick ignored Daryl's last words completely,

"What would it be, the demonstration?" he asked confidently, even as he felt increasingly nervous and lightheaded, his mind was starting to reel, thinking of what the answer might be, what the demonstration would encompass.

He guessed probably something simple, like a kiss...

Oh God, Rick didn't know if he wanted Daryl to kiss him! Rick wasn't gay! But…Daryl wasn't either, he was bi.

But Rick wasn't even bisexual…so…so what? Did any of those labels even matter anymore?

"Nothin', cause' it ain't happenin', Rick." Daryl was starting to sound tense.

Rick frowned, sidelining his internal debate for the moment, he said the first thing that came to mind,

"Why, you don't think I'm attractive, I'm not your type?" he wanted to slap himself for asking those stupid questions the second he saw the look of uncomfortable disbelief on Daryl's face,

"Oh my God…" Daryl said with relative calm, voice carefully quiet and then he started walking to the bedroom door, "…we ain't havin' this conversation, Rick, it ain't funny no more-…"

Rick quickly stepped into his path, cutting Daryl off and stopping him several steps away from the door,

"I'm saying that I'm okay with a demonstration…" he raised his hands in front of him because Daryl looked very tense, "…and I'm just wondering why you're not, Daryl, that's all." Rick said quietly, prudently.

It wasn't like Rick would be offended or anything, if Daryl was in fact not attracted to him, he just wanted to know _why_ Daryl was so opposed to it, he wanted a reason. After all, Daryl had said he 'mighta' made a move on Aaron, and while Rick wasn't conceited enough to think he was better looking than Aaron –even though secretly he did think exactly that-, he was half way certain that he would –at least- be more Daryl's type than Aaron was.

When that had started to matter Rick had no idea, probably in the last tense and confusing fifteen minutes.

But it had nothing to do with Daryl finding him attractive specifically, nothing at all. Obviously…

"Have ya' been drinking?" Daryl asked, completely off topic, squinting one eye at Rick.

Rick shook his head and smiled, he smiled without being able to help it really,

"No, I'm completely sober, I know exactly what I'm saying, exactly what I'm asking." He spoke in a complacent tone, slowly and surely, and Daryl didn't look impressed,

"And what are ya' askin', Rick?" Daryl took a step back and tucked his hands under his arm pits, eyes dead set on Rick.

Rick stared right back at him, but his fake confidence could only help him for so long and now Daryl was asking him to say it… **it** being whatever demonstration Rick wanted, which was a kiss.

Rick had subconsciously decided it would be a kiss. He wasn't sure exactly when he'd made up his mind but he knew that was what he'd decided and now Daryl was putting him on the spot, he wanted to hear Rick ask for it.

Rick opened his mouth to ask but then he tilted his head and took one last shot at being clever about it,

"I'm asking for a demonstration." He said and then added after a brief glance to the side, "Using my person."

Yeah, that had sounded incredibly lame, Rick hated his vocabulary sometimes.

Daryl didn't falter, he continued to stare at Rick as he spoke, his voice low and on the side of amused,

"What demonstration, Rick?" damn him, Daryl had a masterful poker face.

Rick was back at square one…and Daryl was calling his bluff.

But while Rick was entering into unfamiliar territory and he was nervous as shit, he was **not** bluffing. Rick knew in his strange, misfiring, usually entirely heterosexual brain, that he really did want a demonstration from Daryl…and a kiss would do just fine.

He would regret it later probably, maybe…he wasn't sure if he even would. But that was later. And he was there now.

"A k-kiss…I guess…" Rick said quietly, a bit stuttered but overall not too bad aside from his face heating up rapidly. Rick had hoped he'd throw Daryl off by finally saying it out aloud, but let it never be said that a Dixon was susceptible to feeling awkward in awkward conversations,

"Ya' ever kissed another man?" Daryl sounded entirely amused now.

Rick, still blocking the doorway from Daryl but entirely able to run away himself, didn't run away,

"No, I haven't." he admitted honestly.

Daryl's eyes were fixed on Rick's,

"And ya' sure ya' really want to?" his voice was lower now, gravelly, "Ain't a thing a straight man does, Rick."

Rick swallowed thickly at the sudden solemnity with which Daryl was speaking, and he knew he had to give an honest answer, because finally Daryl was taking him seriously,

"I don't think I can see people as gay or straight anymore, there aren't enough people left in the world." Rick laughed humorlessly as he shifted on his feet, "I mean, up until a few days ago, we couldn't even name more than fourteen people who are still alive, before we came here to Alexandria, that was all the people we knew in the world. So how can that shit matter anymore?" Rick didn't realize how serious he was until he said it, until he heard it out aloud.

The world wasn't the same anymore. Sexuality, race, culture, religion, none of it _really_ mattered anymore.

"Ain't never mattered ta' me," Daryl didn't hesitate to rasp out that response before he continued, "but it still matters ta' the kindsa' people who live in this place," Daryl sounded certain of that and Rick wondered if his certainty had something to do with Daryl getting to know Aaron, "and it might still matter ta' _you_ once it's happened, but then it'd be too late. Don' do somethin' stupid just cause' ya' shits a little fucked up right now, Rick," his tone was stern, his words as candid as ever, "just go upstairs, get some sleep and we won' talk about this ever again."

Rick watched Daryl, who was trying to stare him down, as Rick thought about what he'd said. Rick didn't want to regret it if Daryl were to kiss him, and he didn't think he would…but he couldn't _know_ how'd he'd feel until it happened or what he'd feel when it was over.

Rick shook his head, stubborn and with one foot securely in the metaphorical doorway, he wasn't backing down,

"My shit is **fine** , Daryl…" Rick said with a definitive nod and Daryl narrowed his eyes at him,

"Then answer the damn question, Rick, are ya' sure ya' really want to?" Daryl repeated firmly.

Rick realized that he hadn't actually answered when Daryl had asked him, so he nodded gain, eyes doing a quick flit to the floor before he looked at Daryl again,

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Daryl coughed out a laugh, his serious expression finally easing and then he tipped his head slowly to one side,

"A'right, I'll kiss ya'." He said it quietly as he looked at Rick, who felt lightheaded again at hearing the words of agreement. Rick nodded, his stomach doing flips and his heart beating faster, but he didn't move and after a few long seconds Daryl straightened up, " _You_ want this, Rick, I ain't comin' to ya'." He said flatly, pointing out the three feet space between them with a glance.

Rick clenched his jaw once before he smiled with a bit of annoyed amusement. He knew what Daryl was doing and he wasn't going to back down just because Daryl was acting like a dick, probably hoping Rick would get mad and walk out.

No way, it was going to happen right there and then.

Nervously and half smiling, Rick took one step, then the next and he looked straight into Daryl's face as he took the final step to close the gap…and then he was right up in front of Daryl, their chests nearly touching and Rick could feel the texture of Daryl's sock covered toes where they were just barely touching his own.

And Rick's breath got stuck in his chest…

In the second that it took for Rick to step into Daryl Dixon's immediate, one might say intimate, personal space, a few things became apparent. Firstly, Rick had never noticed how **_blue_** Daryl's eyes were, not dark and tonally blue like Rick's, no, blue-blue, clear, near transparent blue. Secondly, the two of them were the same height and with only a hand's length between their faces, everything lined up conveniently well, their eyes, noses…mouths. Thirdly, Rick wondered how he hadn't noticed Daryl being quite so good looking when he'd first met him.

But then he remembered he was straight, also there had been Lori and Carl and an apocalypse of the undead and Daryl had wanted to kick the shit out of him that very first time they ever met. And even after a lot of those issues came and went or just became background noise, Rick had still been straight…but right then, in that moment, he wasn't anything but about to be kissed by Daryl Dixon.

"You a'right?" Daryl asked, low and gruff and Rick blinked out of his stupor and swallowed nervously when for the fourth, maybe even the fifth time that night, -Rick needed a medal for the achievement- he'd been staring at Daryl like a dazed idiot.

Rick finally let out a breath,

"Uh, yeah." he blinked slowly and kept his eyes focused on Daryl's.

"Ya' still sure bout' this?" Daryl asked with a hint of a smirk on his face.

Rick inhaled steadily and nodded just when he was distracted by the mixture of scents that he could smell on Daryl, cigarette smoke on his breath, shampoo in his hair, day worn soap on his skin along with a hint of sweat and leather and a natural musk underlying it all. Rick found it oddly heady, only increasing the lightheaded feeling he already had.

For months they'd all smelled disgusting and up until just that morning Daryl still had, and Rick would never have imagined that Daryl could smell as...good…as he did right then, as Rick was quietly inhaling the blended scents with every quick, shallow breath he took.

When Daryl nodded once quickly, Rick kept looking straight into his eyes, but when Daryl's eyes cut down for a second to look at Rick's mouth and his tongue subtly swiped over the inner seam of his lips, Rick's eyes were drawn to Daryl's now slightly moist lips…and holy shit, it was _really_ about to happen…

Rick felt Daryl's hand settle on the side of his neck, he hadn't expected it so he tensed for a second before he relaxed again under the firm, rough hand that was warm against his skin. Daryl's fingers curved around onto the back of Rick's neck and his thumb brushed over Rick's ear very lightly…and Rick was hyperaware of every sensation as every hair on his body stood.

Was it a bad reaction? He wasn't sure.

He just knew that his stomach was doing multiple air flips and his breathing was increasing and he felt anxious and yet he was anticipating it.

When Daryl finally leaned in, not all that slowly really, he didn't close his eyes, so Rick didn't close his own. And then Daryl's mouth was pressed to his and Rick held his breath, he felt the prickle of Daryl's facial hair and the sparse moisture on his lips, which Daryl had hardly even puckered but Rick expected there would be more, so he started to lean in to the kiss and the sensations and-…then it was over.

Daryl pulled back, patted the side of Rick's face and then his shoulder as he took a step back,

"A'right, ya' got ya' kiss and ya' mental picture, now go ta' bed, Rick." He said in his usual low, rough voice.

Rick nearly said 'what?'

But then he remembered that that was all he'd asked for, a kiss so he could _picture_ it. Fuck.

Daryl was apparently a stickler for details.

Rick was still feeling lightheaded though and he was still processing the new sensations and scents of being close enough to and then to be kissing another man, to be kissing Daryl Dixon…but now he felt _cheated._

"That was it?" Rick blurted, his lips and his face were still tingling from Daryl's brief contact along with the continued – and now identified to be- butterflies in his stomach.

"What the-…" Daryl cut himself off, looking irritated as he grunted, "…yeah Rick, that was it. Whadya' expect, fireworks?" he asked as if Rick had insulted him.

Rick was surprised by how miffed he was, after all that anticipation and embarrassment and nervousness, being left with a half-arsed kiss made him feel twice as frustrated,

"There might have been, if you'd done more than just pecked me on the lips." He surprised himself even more by saying those words, frustration seemed to make him mouthy.

"I gave ya' what ya' asked for." Daryl said stiffly, "And I ain't even had ta' do that." He defended.

Rick huffed, not even sure that he had a valid reason to be upset, all he knew was that he felt cheated,

"I asked for a _kiss_ , the kind you'd give an adult, not the kind you give your pre-school girlfriend on the playground when you're _six_ years old." Rick said it with a sarcastic lilt and everything, and wow, he was on a roll with being a smart mouth.

Daryl's blue –blue- eyes narrowed dangerously but he didn't say anything.

Giving Rick ample opportunity to not shut his big mouth,

"What's the matter, Daryl, you afraid you might enjoy kissing me?" he asked with a cocky smirk and a low voice.

Daryl gave no warning as he yanked Rick back into his immediate personal space by the front of his T shirt and said in a gravelly voice, his breath ghosting over Rick's mouth,

"A'right, member', ya' asked for it, Rick." He informed.

That time there was no build up or lean in or hesitation.

Daryl kissed Rick again, his lips parted and his breath hot against Rick's face. Rick's breath hitched in surprise, goosepimples breaking out over his skin and his stomach doing a double flip when Daryl's tongue slipped straight into his mouth. Rick froze, his mind and body seizing up at the feeling of **Daryl's** tongue, slick and wet and bitter, in his mouth, and Daryl's rough hand having returned to the back of his neck, holding him in place.

Rick couldn't place the feelings rushing through his mind and body as being good or bad right away, it was too much to process at once. He was reeling from the tangible sensations more than what was going on inside his head though…Daryl's mouth, his tongue, the taste of cigarettes, his hot deep breaths. And Daryl was taking the kiss seriously, it was the way one adult would kiss another, as requested and Rick was trying desperately to collect his scattered senses so he could either kiss back...or end it.

Rick forced himself into the moment, forced himself to experience it instead of freaking out inside his head and instantly he became aware of Daryl's mouth moving, partially opening and closing against his own. Daryl's lips parted with each slide of his tongue into Rick's mouth and closed into a pucker on each finish…while Rick stood unresponsive, breathing shallowly and allowing Daryl to kiss him.

It was like that for several seemingly long seconds during Rick's internal sensory overload of being kissed by another man. And Rick was starting to feel the need to pull away, just for a second, just to take a breath so he could think clearly, that was, until Daryl's tongue that had been lapping into his mouth slowly and patiently, suddenly filled Rick's mouth more aggressively and Daryl sucked Rick's tongue right into his own mouth.

Rick took in a shaken breath through his nose at the sensation of it.

No one Rick had ever kissed had done _that_ before and it felt really good, better than good…it turned Rick on.

Which terrified him as much as it thrilled him.

Having his tongue sucked on and specific –sexual- feelings roused, Rick reacted physically, his hand coming up to hold Daryl's shoulder lightly as he leaned into the kiss. It was likely that getting Rick to respond had been Daryl's intention and now Rick waited until Daryl stopped the erotic, soft sucking so that he was free to extract his tongue…and actually kiss Daryl back.

Because it was really happening and Rick wasn't going to waste this likely once off experience by over thinking it.

So Rick moved his tongue, kissing Daryl back the second he was able to, finally responding, and he moved his mouth in time with Daryl's as well, leaving Daryl to lead the kiss as his hand remained on the back of Rick's neck.

The depth, the tasting, the angles, the draw aways, the teases and the pace of the kiss…it was all on Daryl and Rick was pleasantly surprised by how easily he fell into it, by how much he was _enjoying_ it, by how much every wet slide of their lips and exhale of breath between their mouths made him feel hot and dizzy.

It must have been a minute, maybe two, of them kissing before Rick found himself moving those last few inches closer, so that with the slightest arch of his body, he would be right up against Daryl…their chests and their hips would be touching, and Rick felt a strong urge to be that close. So he did it, he pressed his body against Daryl's and brought his hands up, the sudden desire to run his hands through Daryl's hair rushed into his mind completely out of nowhere and Rick _wanted_ quite badly to feel it between his fingers.

But before Rick's hands touched down, in fact, the second their bodies touched, Daryl withdrew hastily. And not like the first time, in his quick but calm way, no, that time he actually pushed Rick back slightly and took a step back himself. Rick was frowning, a bit lost and a lot dazed and when he looked at Daryl, who looked relatively flushed himself, Rick was confused as to why they'd _stopped_.

That… **kissing Daryl** , had been extremely...fireworks-like…or maybe more just the fire part because Rick's skin and body and his _lust_ –holy shit- was running hot, so hot and his heart was racing. It almost seemed impossible to think it, but Rick wanted Daryl, he **wanted** another man and he wasn't even sure how he wanted Daryl, he just knew that he did.

"Why'd you stop?" Rick asked quietly before he ran his hand over his mouth, which was damp from hot breath and shared spit.

Daryl had taken another step back by then and he shook his head,

"Ya' gotta' go, Rick." He mumbled, his voice really husky and Rick tilted his head in disbelief,

"What?" he asked in a tense rasp, "You want me to go, _now_?" he asked with the inflection of ' _holy shit that was hot Daryl don't make me go, what the fuck!_ ' in his tone. Or at least that's what Rick was thinking.

"Yeah, Rick, Christ, ain't ya' done with this stupid experiment…" Daryl looked annoyed now, "…this ain't no weird curious shit for me, ya' gotta' go." He said again before he exhaled heavily and ran both his hands over his mouth, looking far less composed than he had earlier.

And Rick wasn't stupid, he knew exactly what Daryl was worked up about. Rick himself had a semi erection right then when only a few minutes ago he'd been a straight man who'd never thought of kissing another guy in his life. So Daryl, Daryl who was a bisexual man that had just had his tongue down Rick's throat with quite a bit of enthusiasm, would most definitely be sporting a hard on.

Rick knew it, even though Daryl's goddamn baggy, dark pants that he wore and the angle of the bedroom lights made it impossible to see, there was no way Daryl wasn't turned on, because why else would he be so flustered and be telling Rick to go in such a hurry…?

Rick felt ridiculously smug about Daryl's ruffled state, it felt like he finally had a better handle on the way things were going. And because of the smug feeling and the flare of confidence he got from it, Rick's curious side was rearing up again. And it had Rick thinking that while he hadn't come to see Daryl in hopes of making out with him, with the way things were going, maybe they could do more than just kissing...

After all, they were both single, consenting adults, they could do whatever they wanted to together.

'Whatever' did encompass many things though, and Rick figured that Daryl wouldn't be interested in exploring bases like some teenager, especially not after how long they'd both gone without…anything.

So Rick had to ask himself, how far was he willing to go with another man? He was feeling pretty brave right then…and he was scaring himself a little with just how brave he felt.

So Rick stopped overthinking, because he was getting ahead of himself, instead he started talking,

"I don't have to go, Daryl." He said quickly, in a way committing himself to _anything_ before he had a chance to chicken out.

And a voice in the back of his mind whispered, 'Oh God, what the actual fuck are you doing?'

" **What?** " Daryl said at the same time, and his tone held the exact same implied question that Rick had just asked himself.

Deciding on the spot that he was going to go for it, Rick took a step toward Daryl,

"I'm in this-…" he nearly said 'to win it' but thank God he stopped himself because Daryl would have probably thrown him out bodily, "…I want to see where this goes."

" **Rick**." Different word, same tone, same question. Rick was undeterred and he was so proud of himself for it too.

"Daryl," he took another step forward and Daryl gave him a warning once over, "you want this, right, isn't that why you're telling me to leave, cause' you think I'm not interested?" it was apparently the wrong question to ask.

Daryl took the two steps left between them, grabbed Rick and shoved him toward the door but Rick slipped out of his hold with a side step and a quick turn, smiling like a complete idiot as Daryl grunted and snatched out to grab him again.

It should not have been as much fun as it was to duck away from Daryl trying to grab him a third and fourth time.

"Rick, **dammit**." Daryl growled irritably, giving up after Rick jumped up on the bed and ran to the other side, putting said bed as a barrier between them and Rick decidedly further into the room than Daryl would have liked.

"Daryl, listen…" Rick tried to stop smiling because it was pissing Daryl off more, "…listen to me…" Daryl just glared, the length of his lean body was tense from head to toe and Rick knew he needed to say something convincing because he could only evade Daryl in the enclosed bedroom for so long.

So Rick decided to use Daryl's own words from earlier and hoped it would do the trick,

"You said earlier when we were talking," Daryl narrowed his blue eyes and Rick dropped his voice, trying to sound inviting, sultry-like, "that if something, some _one_ you liked came along and was interested, you'd go for it, right, you said that?" he felt like he was failing at being all seductive or whatever. But Daryl was listening, with an unreadable expression, but still listening, and Rick was _in it to win it_! So Rick slowly got onto the bed on his knees and he raised his arms at his sides like he was offering Daryl something, "I'm _interested_ , Daryl." He stated all confident and sure.

Rick felt like he'd done a good enough job of making a case, Daryl had to know he was serious now.

And all Rick wanted at that point was to get back to the good stuff and to see where it would go, because he decided, right there and then, on Daryl's bed, that he'd go wherever it was going to go.

It'd been a _long time_ , he was horny as hell and sex was sex, right? Rick knew enough common knowledge to know that gay sex was supposed to feel good, lots of men did it, so it couldn't be horrible. The physical logistics of it was something he would deal with as it came, as horny as he was right then, Rick just told himself again…sex was sex.

And he felt sure about his decision, it seemed like a good idea, a better idea than wanting a married woman.

Daryl was available, deeply trusted, honestly appreciated, conveniently good looking and Rick genuinely liked him, also, it was likely Daryl was as horny as Rick was, especially after they'd kissed, so…

But at some point during Rick's confident inner monologue, Daryl had reset to his poker face mode, no longer tense or readable in any way at all. Rick watched as Daryl licked the corner of his mouth thoughtfully and then he looked at the bed and back to Rick, who had lowered his arms but remained up on his knees.

After giving Rick a slow once over, Daryl raised an eyebrow at him,

"So what now Rick, yer' on my bed, yer' in'erested, means ya' want me ta' fuck you?"

Rick stared at Daryl.

Daryl stared at Rick.

Now, Rick knew sex meant that someone would be fucking someone else, especially in the case of two men where both people involved had the physical equipment for it. But up until Daryl had said that, Rick hadn't actually placed himself in the scenario of being the 'fuckee' or 'catcher' or 'bottom' or whatever, so now Daryl was saying he'd fuck Rick, and that meant that Rick would be…

"S'matter, Rick, realized this'd end with you takin' it up the ass?" Daryl, ever candid, said the words that had Rick's pulse quickening as anxiousness and fear curled itself happily around every functioning organ he had. And Daryl snorted out a laugh at whatever he saw in Rick's face, making Rick feel worse, "Not so sure o'yerself no more, huh." Daryl looked amused all over again.

Rick was harshly reminded that he was out of his depth by his own fear and Daryl's amusement.

But then again, he'd thought that before he'd enjoyed kissing Daryl **so, so** much a little while ago. So maybe pushing himself out of his comfort zone was all Rick needed to reset the parameters of his own 'depth'. He'd been doing it for over a year out in the walker world, always being pushed passed his limits and having to readjust, so it'd be pathetic of him to back down from something that held no danger for him, only potential pleasure.

Reminding himself of those things gave Rick a little confidence boost, once again, he told himself that he was _in this_ and he wasn't going to back out.

Still, Rick saw no harm in asking,

"Why me? I could fu-…I could do it to you." Yeah, okay, so the 'f' word in that context was a little hard to say when Daryl was looking at him with a certain amount of boredom by that point.

Daryl gave his head a confident little shake,

"Ain't no way."

"Why not?" Rick asked, he was asking _why_ a lot but Daryl was sure saying _no_ a lot for a guy who was being offered sex with no strings attached.

"Ya' don' know shit bout' what ya'd be doin', Rick, I ain't lettin' ya' near me like that." Daryl gave him another amused once over.

Rick heard Daryl's words but he was distracted for a moment when the arousing image of him fucking Daryl came to mind, it looked a bit like a bad porno with the woman swapped out, but still, he managed it with surprising ease for someone who hadn't been able to imagine Daryl kissing a man not long ago. Funny that.

Rick cleared his throat, feeling warmth creeping into his face very quickly,

"Uh, you could tell me what to do, how to do it." He said as it occurred to him, shifting slightly on his knees.

"No way," Daryl repeated, "if ya' really want this, I'm willin' ta' _give it to ya'_ ," the bastard smirked at his play on words and Rick smiled too, like an idiot, "but that's the only way ya' gettin' it."

Rick knew, yet again, that Daryl was trying the tactic of being difficult and hoping Rick would back out, because Daryl had picked up that Rick was specifically iffy on the idea of being the 'fuckee', so he was trying to use that angle to dissuade Rick.

Daryl was admirably shrewd –who knew?- and stubborn.

But Rick was wise to Daryl's ploy and he was also doing a wonderful job of ignoring his own inhibitions,

"Alright." He said in the same gravelly, droll way Daryl usually said it and he locked eyes with said man.

The challenge was **laid** …and soon Rick hoped he would finally be as well.

"Why're ya' blushin', I ain't done nothin' to ya' yet?" Daryl asked, looking amused, but by saying 'yet' he let Rick know that the challenge was accepted.

Rick quickly forgot about his obscure dirty thoughts and gave Daryl his full attention, the butterflies returning to his stomach and the lightheadedness as well now that he knew exactly how far he and Daryl were going to go. He also started to feel nervous again,

"I'm thinking." He said honestly, quietly.

"Yeah, bout' what?" he asked, sounding distracted.

Rick was about to laugh awkwardly at Daryl's question when he noted the change in Daryl's tone of voice and then next he realized there'd been a shift in the atmosphere. Then he noticed that Daryl was _looking_ at him, really looking at him, not through regular Daryl's eyes, but through bisexual, horny Daryl's eyes.

Rick felt oddly vulnerable with Daryl's eyes no longer on his own but on _every_ other part of his body.

This was serious. More serious than before.

Daryl was looking at Rick with a different intent now, the intent to fuck, and it was written all over his face as he worried the corner of his mouth with his tongue and stood trailing his eyes over the length of Rick's body.

And it was –inexplicably- turning Rick on.

Rick didn't have a long list of women he'd been with, so he knew with clear memory that not-a-one of them had ever looked at him with such unadulterated lust, maybe he'd looked at them that way, like a man who really wanted something, but they'd never looked at him like that, not even Lori.

It was a look, that having never been on the receiving end of it before, it made Rick feel helluva _wanted_ …and a little self-conscious too if he was honest, but at least he knew that Daryl found him attractive with a look like that on his face.

It was a good feeling. Rick soaked it up and decided to answer Daryl's question,

"About you fu…" dammit, he wanted to say it. So he tried again in a lower register with the hope of sounding sexy, Rick tilted his head, "…about you fucking me." He felt stupid after saying it and he looked away from Daryl's eyes when Daryl looked at his face again.

"Ya' don' gotta' do that, Rick." Daryl said quietly, all sexual undertones gone in an instant and Rick sat back on his legs as he looked at Daryl and sighed,

"I told you I _want_ to."

"A'right, I know," Daryl put up no fight as he shifted on his feet, a little closer to the bed, "I mean, ya' ain't gotta' talk like that, if it ain't how ya' talk…" the 'during sex' part went without saying. Daryl was being so neutral and understanding.

Rick wanted the sexual undertones and horny Daryl back, that Daryl made Rick feel better about himself, made Rick feel turned on and attractive, nothing like the second guessing, unconfident guy he'd been when it came to sex before he'd met Lori…and while he was with Lori actually.

Rick shook his head, leaning his hands on his thighs,

"I don't wanna' do this how I usually did…" he said honestly, seriously, looking straight into Daryl's eyes, "…I usually did it with women and you aren't a woman-…"

"Damn straight." Daryl muttered.

"…-so this'll be how it's gonna' be…and that's what I want." Rick pointed at the duvet cover as he finished.

Daryl licked his lips and nodded,

"…sounds good." He said quietly as he reached for the shoulders of his vest and pulled it up over his head.

And as the vest came up and Rick watched the expanse of Daryl's torso revealed, his eyes drifted lower and Rick felt a slow wave of arousal move fervently through his body because from the new angle and with the direct light of the bedside lamp, Rick could see the outline of Daryl's sex straining prominently against his pants.

Rick didn't know if he was turned on by the fact that Daryl was aroused for him or if it was because Daryl's sex looked impressive in size even as an outline and it bizarrely excited him, or if it was because that very part of Daryl would be _inside_ him soon…

Rick's mind was reeling again, the unfolding situation presented numerous confusing, frightening and dizzying sexual feelings that assaulted Rick's overwhelmed body and mind all at once…and yet, he didn't fight it, the feelings were welcomed and doing wonders for Rick's own arousal.

Rick was watching, heart pounding and head spinning, as Daryl opened the single button above the zipper of his pants, but Daryl stopped and looked at Rick, and the heat and lust was back in his blue, blue eyes,

"Gon' be wantin' ya' naked, Rick." He said in a low rasp with a subtle smirk.

Rick inhaled softly as be blinked out of staring at Daryl and then he nodded and hastily pulled his white T shirt off, tossing it onto the bed before he reached for the elastic hem of his sweatpants, inwardly terrified of his excitement, but ready to drop drawers and bend over, as it were.

Just the thought of _bending over_ for Daryl sent another shock of arousal –and anxiousness- through him and Rick had to take another quick breath, noting that his willingness and desire for what was happening, was escalating quickly and intensely.

Daryl's voice stopped him when he'd just started to push the sweatpants down,

"Rick…" his tone was almost dark in its sexual inflection and when Rick looked at Daryl looking at him with such unguarded want, he felt another wave of heat move through him. And then Daryl beckoned him near with his eyes even before he said, "C'mere."

Rick got up from sitting on his legs and knee-walked across the bed to where Daryl stood on the other side and once he was there, he got as close as possible to Daryl, so that his knees were right on the edge of the bed and he could feel the heat radiating off of Daryl.

Daryl's calm poker face had turned into an intense expression of well controlled lust, Rick could hear his increased, deep breathing and he imagined that Daryl was just dying to fuck him without any preamble and the thought heated the blood in Rick's veins to new heights, making him close his eyes for a second, take in a slow breath through his nose –along with the scent of Daryl- before he opened his eyes again and focused them on Daryl's.

Daryl was looking at Rick closely, Rick being nearly a head higher since he was kneeling up on the bed, and Rick watched as Daryl's hands came up and then he _felt_ as Daryl's rough palms settled on his naked waist and slid upwards, smoothing over Rick's skin in a firm, slow touch. Rick felt himself start to shake, because this was still new to him, Daryl was still a man, one hundred percent man and all the arousal in the world wouldn't quell the anxiousness right away.

But Rick was feeling good more than nervous, he was feeling turned on and hornier by the second and Daryl's mouth was inches from his collar bone, Rick could feel the steady, slow breaths on his skin. Then without any warning Daryl dipped his head and flicked the tip of his tongue over one of Rick's nipples and Rick tensed up at the sensation, it went straight to his loins and his breath caught in his throat when he inhaled sharply. Daryl made a low noise in the back of his throat, hoarse and very much like a moan as his hands gripped Rick's sides tighter and he swiped the flat of his tongue over Rick's now hardened nipple before he caught it between his teeth and his eyes slid up to look at Rick's face as his teeth came away, gently scraping over and off the hard nub.

Rick was trembling and staring at Daryl with his mouth slightly open, breathing quick and harsh as he'd been watching Daryl and now he met Daryl's eyes, his sex throbbing when his nipple was released from Daryl's teeth,

"I know this probly' ain't gon' be as good for ya' as it'll be for me, cause' I ain't a woman…" Daryl said quietly as his hands –oh God Rick had nearly forgotten about his hands- slid smoothly around to Rick's lower back. And then down below the material of his sweatpants _and_ underwear and Daryl's rough hands spread over and cupped Rick's bare ass cheeks as Daryl closed his eyes briefly and made another low, lustful noise in his throat, "… _fuck yeah_ …I swear though, Rick…" he was saying as his eyes focused back on Rick's face, "…I'ma get ya' off, I'ma make it good for ya'." Daryl rasped out and then he tongued Rick's other nipple until it was as hard as the first and Rick made a humming sound of pleasure as his body reacted keenly to Daryl's words and touches.

Rick was still shaking, but its nature was changing, it was becoming less about anxiousness and more just because of the intense sexual feelings he was experiencing _._ Rick was having to hold back embarrassing noises at all of Daryl's touches –his groping hands, his fingers skimming along the cleft of Rick's ass teasingly- and his mouth and teeth as he sucked and nipped at Rick's nipples in turns.

And Rick was turned on so much by how Daryl was touching him but also partly because Daryl was _enjoying_ touching him so much. He couldn't find his voice though, as much as he wanted to reassure Daryl he was enjoying it too, his throat was all tight and his mind was unfocused…and Rick felt even dizzier when Daryl leaned up to catch his lips in a kiss, again open mouthed and generously tongue filled and Rick melted into it without hesitation, inhaling deeply through his nose and as he gave Daryl command of his mouth.

Rick closed his eyes and brought his hands up, finally getting to bury his hands in Daryl's soft, straight -and clean- hair and he tangled it up in his fists as he kissed Daryl, lapping his tongue into Daryl's mouth with the enthusiasm and ardor that he was feeling in every part of his body.

Rick focused all of his attention on Daryl's mouth –his lips, his taste- and slowly Rick lowered until he was sitting back on his legs, putting Daryl at the higher angle and they adjusted the kiss smoothly, neither breaking off as their tongues crossed into each other's mouths and their lips slid together with soft wet sounds. Rick felt Daryl's hands slide up along the smooth muscled plane of his back in a firm caress, so Rick did the same using one hand, keeping the other in Daryl's hair, he slid it down along Daryl's spine…and Rick stilled his hand when he felt the fleshy ridge of one of Daryl's numerous scars that he'd known were there, but had forgotten about.

Everyone had seen the scars at some point during their time spent together, it had been unavoidable.

Daryl stopped kissing him, his mouth open and still against Rick's and his breathing was deep and slow as he opened his eyes. Rick opened his as well, so that they were looking at one another, and Rick saw discomfort in Daryl's face, undoubtedly there because Rick was touching his scars.

Rick didn't want him to feel that way, so Rick decided that he would not give those scars the power of shame that they held over Daryl, because they did not define him, they weren't important. So Rick confidently continued to slide his hand down Daryl's back, caressing over smooth skin and scar tissue alike…and after a tense few seconds of Daryl's eyes searching his own, Daryl kissed Rick suddenly and with even more vigor than before, pushing him backwards with the force of it.

Rick went with it, putting his hands down behind him and unfolding his legs as he moved backwards toward the center of the bed, spreading his legs so that they were either side of Daryl, who crawled onto the bed after him. Daryl hovered above Rick on one hand and his knees once they were in the middle of the bed, his other hand held the underside of Rick's jaw as Daryl angled the ongoing kiss, it was rushed and intense and urgent and was pressing Rick's head back into the mattress.

Rick inhaled deeply, followed by a breathy restrained moan when Daryl broke away from his mouth to place wet kisses and licks all along Rick's lightly stubbly jaw and down over the front of his throat. Rick licked his kiss swollen lips when Daryl's tongue slipped into the hollow of his throat, before Daryl's kisses moved ever lower. He breathed shakily and heavily, feeling hot and impatient as his body thrummed with desire, and an ache settled in his loins when Daryl kissed and licked over the rising and falling plane of his stomach, Daryl's nose lightly skimming over Rick's skin as he went.

It was crazy that Daryl was making him feel the way he felt, so overwhelmed and wanting. But Rick wasn't complaining, he was giving himself over to it, he was thrilled by it and he wanted **more**.

He felt Daryl's fingers curl into the waistband of his sweatpants and Rick raised his hips without hesitation, also raising his head so he could watch as Daryl lifted his pants and boxers and he pulled them down over Rick's thighs and right off his legs…until Rick was naked.

Completely naked, with Daryl Dixon between his thighs...

* * *

Please go to my AO3 for Part 2 as FF dot net does not allow explicit sexual content.

Link for AO3 is available on my profile.

Thank you for reading


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